I'm slumping. I'm bored. (no,

Jul 26 2001 Kelly Norton
I'm slumping.
I'm bored. (no, that doesn't mean that I don't have enough work, that's not what the word means)
And I keep experiencing Thomas Wolfe-like thoughts about the impossibility to know anyone, the ineluctable human loneliness.

To return from the tropics to the senseless redundancy of corporate life is depressing enough, but to return amidst the turmoil of the past few days is emotionally crippling. For most people, vacations provide much needed rest to reorder and refocus their lives. They return to work suntanned and determined having realigned their goals with those of the company. For me, though, vacations are catalysts to doubt and indecision. They provide time for the mind to identify its self-protecting delusions which make an endless string of cloned days seem tolerable. And while that sounds noble, it accomplishes nothing more than inducing an emotional stasis, a deadlock of goals and desires. No worry, though, in a few days I'll be singing the virtues of resistance, the greatness that lingers "five steps from tyranny" and "close to the threshold of the danger of servitude." The human mind has a silly way of justifying everything imaginable.

4am last night, I decide that my wardrobe looked too 'grown up,' so, I put in and order to the skate shop:

1 Element Hat For Life Box
1 Element Pant Recon Pull
1 Pig T-Shirt Pig Face
1 Maple T-Shirt Natural Leaf
1 Black Label T-Shirt Circle Flame
1 Blind T-Shirt Olde English
Maturity is just another way to spell lost.